An Ultrasound of My Faith

The other day I was with my niece in labor and delivery and they sent her down for an ultrasound.  I've seen them before and will never forget 29 years ago seeing my firstborn on the day he was born, in an ultrasound.  It never ceases to amaze me as I see how technology has advanced these almost 3 decades where now you can see a 3-D image of your unborn child before they are born.


As I stood watching the technician take specific views to make sure little Gabriel was still safe and sound, I was in awe as he measured bones, spaces of amniotic fluid, the girth of the baby to determine about how big he was at 35 weeks and try to catch a glimpse of his face which I might add was effectually hidden behind his two drawn up fists! 


I was overwhelmed at the glory of creation.  I was reminded of Gods own word and what it has to say about this...


"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." psalm 39:13-15.


Before the dawning of ultrasound expectant parents could only wonder at the child they felt moving within a mothers body.  But God knew the width, the sex, the skin color, the very individual things that set that child apart.


When my mother and father were expecting me they had no way of knowing whether I was a boy or a girl; what color my hair and eyes were or what I would weigh when I was born.  I was wrapped in mystery and yet though unseen they believed in my existence because of my mothers burgeoning belly, my movement and the sound of my heartbeat.  They knew in part and believed.


Take it back a few hundred years before stethoscopes.  Women had the lack of menses and a burgeoning belly to suspect a coming child.  Movement inside the belly was the greatest proof they received of a coming new life.  No heartbeat to hear; no ultrasound to see something tangible.  They knew in part and believed.


And then I thought of Gods existence and remembered this scripture


^" For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 1 Corinthians 13:12."


Today we only know in part and yesterday we knew even less, and yet we believed.  I think of a line from one of my favorite movies, The Polar Express.  At one point the boy is challenged with this....is it that seeing is believing or is it that believing is finally seeing?  There is so much that goes on around us or is around us that remains hidden, but still exists.  Our vision is only limited.  But does our limited vision mean that what we cannot see or understand is not there?


Almighty God.  His son Jesus Christ.  People in dire circumstances who cry out to our unseen triune God; people whose faith is raw and persistent and they bring forth life in the form of answered prayer and an ever burgeoning faith.  Healing, provision, doors that open or close, dead things that come back to life.  These situations and revelations become our stethoscopes and ultrasounds to see the reality of God's existence and power.


Like an ultrasound.... "for now we see through a glass darkly".  We can see a little but not able to take in the magnificence.  "then face to face".  How amazing it is to behold a newborn child.  To take it all in.  To touch, to count, to feel.  "Now I know in part.  But then I will know as I am known".


I challenge you first to stretch your vision.  If you can see through the glass darkly, take it all in and know there is more --- just as you know there is more to an unborn child than can be captured in an ultrasound.  Secondly, ask yourself this....can you believe without seeing the whole picture?  Remember this.  Jesus said in the book of John,


"You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me." John 20:29

The Gift of Children

"Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.

 Proverbs 17:6

As I lay in bed Christmas Eve, my heart - mind and spirit were trying to knit together a new understanding of the meaning of Christmas.  For so many years Christmas has borne the fingerprints of my parents who had the gift of infusing that time of year with so much love, joy and giving that it is difficult to dissect them from it.  As a 19 year old I became a Christian and my Christmas celebrations were infused with more of Christ which further grew my beliefs and expressions of the holiday in December.


A new season in my life was set upon me last year in Christmas 2012.  It was so not normal as #1 I was without both of my parents as they had both passed away.  #2 we left home and joined my husbands family in a beautiful seaside home for Christmas.  That started the list of things I'd never done.  I'd never been without my parents; I'd never spent Christmas with my in laws even after almost 29 years of marriage; I'd never spent the holiday's on the sea, I'm a mountain girl through and through.  Much of what we had last year was foreign with new traditions and foods.  While I loved the people I was with, I was not full of joy or the spirit of Christmas as my heart was grieving so.


This year we had a very different year again.  We moved on December 1st.  I fell and separated my shoulder that first nite in our new home.  We again traveled mid month to go and celebrate our 26 yr old daughters college graduation.  We were infused with joy at all she accomplished and overcame and through her triumphs experienced our own.


This year we were full of the kind of joy where you say to yourself, "pinch me!  Is this real?" ... for we find ourselves living in a lodge style home with bricks and hewn logs inside on acres of land with bear, moos and deer.  It is indeed well with our soul.  We had all the money we could have wanted after 8 years of absolute destitution but for the gifts of manna from God and they were plenty!  I wrapped our last gifts on Christmas Eve; planned our menu for an expected house full the next day.  Ready, set, go. 


But there I lay in bed, exhausted and wondering why we always have to be so exhausted for Christmas.  Is this really what God or Jesus would want?  I'd run myself ragged getting ready for this and I highly doubted that this is what either of them would want.  Sure, we had given a lot to many.  We had made sure to minister to those less fortunate because that holds a special place in our hearts.  But my heart cried out... "Lord!  Isn't there more?"  More than packages wrapped up in ribbon; traditions, cooking, baking, decorating etc?


As I lay there contemplating this new place in life I realized that I was standing in a place in my life where I had to transfer from one plane to the next.  Looking behind me at past landings where I'd been so content and full to rest, I realized there would be no going back.  I had to move forward and part of me did not want to leave the dais upon which I'd stood for so many  years....but I knew I'd never be happy or content or full again unless I did. 


I began to rest in the Lord and wait for fresh understanding.  My mind was drawn to babies.  For reasons only known to God, he sent his son, who was powerful and mighty, to earth as a baby.  Gods word is full of enough information to know how God feels about children and babies.  He wants us to be like little children.  My thoughts ran backwards to long ago when our lives and hearts were so vacant after my grandparents died and then four years later with the impending arrival of the first grandchild - my son Josh --- that impending arrival and new chapter to come caused my father to turn over a new leaf in life.  My father was absolutely transformed and became a different, better man.  A little baby with the power to transform.


My thoughts traveled to six months before when my niece Meaghan arrived with her one year old, Axel.  Our lives were weary, worn, still full of grief over the losses we'd endured and this little child infused our hearts and lives with joy overflowing and laughter and love.  A small little baby/toddler and he transformed our lives.  So much mystery surrounds the wonder of children.  And yet those of us rich enough to have them allow our lives to be filled with so much busy-ness that we do not realize the girth of our fortune if we have them.  From them we can learn and follow them to true peace and fulfillment in life.


I was left in awe once more of God's choices to send Jesus my savior as a baby.  I was left aware of how a gift had visited us in the form of Axel.  As I am so aware of the joy of Axel, I had to be that much more aware of the joy and life and power of Christ as a child.  I made the jump and landed firmly upon the new landing.  And the page was turned.


I realize that I must move forward.  I must change and be willing to embrace this new season I am in and find the peace God desires for me.   I also know with greater understanding the blessing in disguise that babies and children are.  I know God must have planned it this way.  How fortunate and blessed generations of old were when they had large families and it seemed there was always a baby or toddler underfoot.  I truly believe that the presence of children/toddlers/babies brings the abundance of ability to find joy once more in spite of the grief.  They are our hope. Gods word even says this about children:


Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.


And so I drifted off to sleep thinking of babies and children.  Thinking of Axel, the little boy I love as though he were my grandson.  I fell asleep thanking God for each child of my body and each child of my spirit and heart and their children too.  I realized that in the smallest of packages comes the largest of gifts.... understanding, simple wisdom, hope, transformation, valuing innocence.


Lord, give me the ability to stop and listen to the little packages in my life.  Help me God to ignore the come hither of the world to take in the wealth you have placed around me in the hearts and spirits of the little's in my life.  Help me to remember....less is more.  amen.