My Drug of Choice

Sometimes there are no words that can mend the pain we bear.  Well meaning people, myself included -- want so much to offer some anesthetic, some hope or power to someone in pain but lets face it, sometimes our pain is so deep and so great and so PERSONAL that there is nothing anyone can say that will cut the pain. 


Reading my devotion today I thought about this as the writer quoted an oft given "pain shot" from Gods word that says, "God never gives us more than we can handle" from 1 Corinthians 10:13.  I agreed with the writer who said this scripture refers to temptation, not to pain from a loss etc.  Even Jesus faced a time of great pain and might I say fear -- that night in Gethsemane when he was praying so hard he bled?


He was begging God to take the cup from him aka: Father please isn't there another way to save our people?  Do I have to drink from this cup of torture, pain and humiliation that is surely coming my way?  Please, please remove it!  Please find another way!  We have all found ourselves in those dire straights.  Our own failures, battling an illness, cancer, financial devastation, barely surviving a tempest at someone else's hands or natural disaster... we have all found ourselves begging for mercy. 


I sat contemplating this and my thoughts ricocheted to how amazing it feels when we are depleted and exhausted and we fall back on our own bed.  Oh the comfort....the feeling of safety.  It's that "ahhhhh" feeling.  It's like holding your beloved pet or blanket or how we feel when our "safe person" envelopes us in a huge hug.  Think of the embrace of your mother, father, spouse or loved one.  During that embrace, the pain eases and there is if only a moment of pain relief. 


In all honesty the best anesthetic I've found to my life's pain has been falling back on who God is....who I've experienced him to be --- who I've seen him be to others and wrapping that knowledge about me like a soft meemo (my sons word for his blanket when he was a toddler).  It's remembering every time that I've cried out to God and somehow, some way he has answered me -- perhaps not in my time frame but seriously GOD has never left me abandoned.


Yes, my anesthetic of choice has been the word of God that I wrap myself up in.


"The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms".  Deuteronomy 33:27


You may say yeah but how does that work?  I mean do you feel those arms around you?  No.  It's more like, I know that I know that I know who God is because of what I've proven is so.  One day long ago I came to know Him.  I've spent over 30 years learning of Him -- from Him.  I've spent time talking to him, questioning him, and waiting and watching not only in my own life but in the lives of others who have entered into the same relationship with Him.  And its been in this proving ground...this relating that I've experienced the glory of God. 


 I've come to know that the words on the pages of my Bible are not just words on a page.  They are alive and active still today -- tested and proven.  So when I read that passage and it says, "underneath (me) are the everlasting arms" it says to me...you KNOW it...his arms...his truths, his promises, his presence, his power they buoy you!!  The comfort that you yearn for...that you search for will come.


And as I look back on my life it is then I realize this --- my greatest revelations of Gods ability and power have been during the most painful seasons of my life.  They say hindsight is clearer than foresight and it is true.  It is only when I look back that I realize that when I needed God the most -- when I was writhing in pain and uncertainty and my cry to God was "I don't know if I can do another day Lord"....that those arms...carried me to another day and another and another and my dependence upon him grew all the more.  And that's when it happened.  The revelation of his ability and my need for him in pain and out.


Lord to any who read this and are in pain and need like you were on that night in Gethsemane so many years ago --- give to them that which they need to endure.  For every moment spent in pain I ask you would multiply it back to them in the knowledge of you.  Use this pain within them to bring life as only you can Lord.  Protect them from the lies of the enemy and give them ears to hear your holy spirit.  Fill them with comfort and peace O God!  For its in Jesus' name I pray....amen. 


God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble

Under Gods Hand

"Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for he cares for you." 1 peter 5:6-7.


 I read this tonight and was reminded --- we know not how powerful a savior God is until we need a powerful God to save us.


 Sometimes those seasons when we are in pain, need and sorrow are the ONLY seasons through which God will move with such force and power --- as He did before the Israelites in the desert -- and so capture our attention that we will then see and know that He. Is. God.


If life has you humbled...be encouraged. You are under the mighty hand of God.


He's got this.

Reconnecting

Tonite I stepped outside to rock a while in my chair. The patio was dark and I sat silently listening to the frogs singing nearby. There have been so many other nights like this throughout my life --- me, looking up at the silhouettes of mountain tree's, listening to the frogs.


I began to sing worship songs aloud. Sometime later I just had an overwhelming sense of Billy's presence. I sat there in the silence and began to talk to him aloud. A few minutes later my husband Wayne stepped outside and I began to tell him of how I had sat singing and then felt Billys closeness.


Wayne stepped outside from under the porch and said "Have you come out here to look at the night sky? There are thousands of stars out tonite." I got up and stepped out under the starry sky and looked up. Even that view has not changed for me.


 I related once more to Wayne of how from the time I was 10 years of age, as a girl I would lay in the back of my parents rambler wagon and would have that view for myself. I was filled in those days with awe and fear.....awe at the vast night sky and how the sky reminded me of chocolate ice cream with vanilla chips....and fear -- that at any time forest animals could amble up to the car and look at me through all the windows. Yes, I did have an avid imagination. But, I always knew I was safe as long as I could hear Billy's voice.


 At that very moment as I was recounting this story and looking up at that night sky with the forest sentinels standing so tall in the night air the biggest, brightest, slowest shooting star arced across the night sky like a firework! Tears had been gently flowing down my face as I recounted the story but my breath literally caught in my throat as I watched that slow star shooting across the velvet sky.


 A half cry came from me with a sob and I said to wayne....did I just imagine that or was that as significant as I feel it was? He said Doe - that was all you saw it was. That was for you, from Billy.


You see, long ago as I lay in the back of my parents wagon staring at that expanse of stars I could hear my parents and grandparents playing pinochle inside their small red and white trailer while Billy sat in a chair playing the ukulele and singing to us as we tried to go to sleep. As long as Billy played and sang, I was safe.


 I will never forget tonite and the shooting star in the chocolate sky with all the twinkling vanilla chips winking back at me. I know Billy....I miss you too.

Starting at the Beginning

I am so mindful on January 1st of each new year at the significance of "starting over".  We encounter "do overs" throughout life and I cant think of one time that we do not welcome them.  Fail a test and a teacher offers you a "do over" a second chance to "make it up".  Oh getting second chances and opportunities to begin again. 


If you are like me I am sure you can comb through the past years of your life and find instances where you'd love a "do over" card.  There are quite a few I can think of myself...instances where I would definitely present my "do over certificate" --- effectively erasing something I did or said and receive a clean slate.   If only that could happen right?


So here it is January 1st.  The first day of 2015.  A new year.  In the last few days I've contemplated what I wanted to launch on this day.  It's filled me with excitement.  Every year on this day.... I get to push a button a 'RELOAD'.  Woo hoo.


One decision I made was to start the "reading through the bible in one year" plan.  And not only that but keep a journal with it to chronicle the profound moments between me and God's word.  So, that is exactly what I did this afternoon.


What I've chosen to do is to write various thoughts that stood out in my reading segments.  The app I am using presents your daily reading sections of the bible in a format whereby the author of the format offers a little devo as they present to you the portions of the day from Gods word.  I liked that.  I managed to fill a page with four different pieces of info that stood out to me.  Of those four, I chose one to chew on and here it is:


God gave Adam and Eve far reaching permission in the garden of Eden (see Genesis 1:16.)  In short it says "You must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  When you do you will surely die.  You do not need to know and experience evil".  God wants you to know only good.


That resonated within my heart of hearts because frankly I've been struggling with this.  It seems every week I am reading a news story regarding the abuse or death of children by the hands of the very one's who are responsible for their protection and sustenance.  It is more than I can bear. 


This deep rooted grief I feel is also increased by the knowledge of the struggle of my own dear son and daughter in love whose greatest desire is to have their own children to love and nurture!  I watch their struggle with their hearts in their hands....yearning for children of their own and simultaneously read of others in this country who can easily conceive and bear children and they neglect and kill them.  I told my husband, "this is far too hurtful for me to bear".


As I read Gods word I thought about "the knowledge of good and evil".  What could be more evil than reading about the details of the killing of little children?  And yet our perverse society and the media churn out the stories like butter!  We watch programs on television that are called "entertaining" of the murder and torture of precious people.  What is wrong with us?


But God gave Adam and Eve the choice with a warning.  Don't pursue the desire of needing to know everything!  You will regret it for it will surely kill you.  But they couldn't stand it - the NOT knnowing and they took it in and the rest, as they say, is history.


Could it be that simple?  From this sinful disregard of Papa Gods instruction our forefather and mother unlocked evil and it spilled itself out upon the world.  Evil.  Self righteous depravity.  And though there are millions of people today who do not partake and pursue and applaud such perverse acts, we DO take it in for we feed on the news of it.  With the dawning of the internet in the 90's we now can know everything that is going on at any one time,  at any one place in the world.  All the evil there is, we get to partake of it daily.   Every murder, every story and every incident of evil.  That is, if we choose to.   And it is more than I can bear.  Is this what God meant?  "When you do you will surely die".  An interesting thought.  But then there is our father God trying to protect his children with 'you don't need to know everything'.  I love how this passage of scripture reveals that like any parental, God only wants us to know and experience good.  What loving parent wouldn't?


And though it was not our choices and actions that took us to partake of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, shame on us for partaking of depravity as entertainment!  It is still offered up, piled enticingly on a plate and we still make choices daily to partake of it when we watch some of the programs that we watch.  God forgive us.


Lord forgive us for not understanding.  Give us more understanding.  I pray for the little children of the world and of our country.  God, the little children!!!  protect them.  intercede for them.  punish those who demean and destroy the lives of your little ones in Jesus name.  Amen.

God Is Always Present

Our life's journey takes us to all elevations.  We have joy-filled mountain top experiences i.e.: marriage, birth of children and grandchildren, buying your first home or car and successfully accomplishing goals.  But there are also seasons in life when we travel the valley floor and experience challenges through losses of all kinds.  And with Jesus as our traveling companion, He makes life do-able.

 

When we are cresting high He makes the heights more brilliant and opens wide our understanding of spiritual things. He fills us to overflowing.  How we hunger for those times.  We feel Abba Father's presence, close and intimate.  It reminds me of how the disciples must have felt.  Jesus was present; life was intimately shared.  His lessons and his words were deeper than the ocean, inspiring and life changing.

 

Too often in life the path turns downward and we find ourselves walking through the wilderness.  Hope is fading.  Life seems to be ebbing.  The walk is endless, exhausting.  If it were a forest it would be rocky cliffs with high mountains to climb and overgrown with thorns. If it were a desert it would be blazing hot with no water, no tree for shade, and no hope of finding rest or sustenance.  Just loneliness. Fear. Doubt. Confusion. Hopelessness.  How well I remember feeling I would not make it another moment – let alone another day.

 

Regardless of what your wilderness looks and feels like one thing stays the same....the cry of our hearts.  “My God, my God – why have you forsaken me?”  Where are you?  I can't feel you?!  I cannot sense your nearness!  He has left me.  Lord, answer me! Many ask why – why does God allow us to go through these wilderness experiences and these times when it feels as though he has abandoned us.  Why does he stay quiet?  Why doesn't he intervene in the midst of my pain and stop it sooner?  While I do not pretend to know all the answers to all of these questions the following word picture came to me in my mind regarding where Abba Father is when I cannot sense Him.

 

I liken it to the parent/grandparent who is teaching a child to ride a bike.  As we teach and instruct we grab hold of the bike seat with a firm, steadying grip.  We run alongside of our dear little one and encourage and instruct on how to stay upright and steady and safe.  Back and forth we go, holding steadily and firmly, instilling confidence and strength.

 

But there comes a point when we have to let go.  With our heart in our throats we let go and watch our kid go like the wind.  Alone and wobbly, their sweaty, little hands grip the handle bars that careen back and forth a little too much for our well-being.  Now stop.  Where is the parent?  The good parent does not leave.  We are near – watching, praying and rooting our child forward on life's journey.

 

Here are a few lessons we can learn about Abba Father from this analogy.

 

~When we are wondering where God is remember – like a loving parent trotting behind the child – HE is never far away.  All we have to do is call out his name and he is there.  Remember what your father has told you –

 

Deuteronomy 3:16 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them.  FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU.  HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU.”

 

~Like any parent knows, we must release our child so they can ride alone.  When we release them it is with the hope that they will remain dependent upon that which we have taught them.  The ride involves learning what is truth and adhering to it.  When we do not, we crash.  Adhering to what we have been taught is crucial in keeping us on the straight and narrow path or to keep us upright and cruising along.  Remember – our dependence upon God alone is crucial -

 

 “But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble. The LORD helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him.  Psalm 37:39-40

 

 ~ Through the highs and lows of life, God is revealing himself to us.  He is using our life circumstances as the canvas upon which he can reveal his personality – his faithfulness and trustworthiness.  He desires that we trust Him without question.  As human parents, our desire is for our children to obey us without question because we know we teach them truth. To ensure safety and abundant life we teach and enforce in hopes that our children will not question the life-giving path in which we lead them.  In short, our children grow to have faith in us through our love and instruction.  

 

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavers is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.  James 1:6

 

Unwavering Faith in our father's presence is important!  Besides what other option is there? 

 

“I'd rather walk in the dark with God

Than go alone in the light;

I'd rather walk by faith with him

Than go alone by sight. - Anonymous”

Dont Be Discouraged!

Oh, its hard to learn the lesson,

As we pass beneath the rod,

That the sunshine and the shadow

Serve alike the will of God. - Anonymous

Whether we like it or not life is sprinkled with hard times. There is no getting around it. In fact the Bible promises us that we will have hard times.

Jesus is quoted in John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

I recently read a story about Casey Seymour, a successful soccer player and coach. He always has his team run a 10 x 100 drill at the end of practice. Before the men can leave the field they must run at full speed - with minimal rest - 100 yards ten times. If they dont beat a prescribed time they have to do it again. The men hate it until the day of the game. Each game they find that they can play at full capacity for the entire match. Their effort has been rewarded with a championship!

We are all playing the game of life, running the gamut – dodging balls, sidestepping boulders, having to learn offensive and defensive strategies. And one thing remains the same.... the injustices of life – the unfair turnabouts will come, question is how will they affect us? Will life's problems, tragedies and injustices rob us of life, joy and love, or will we utilize those seasons and turn them into strength and endurance training?

During his time as a missionary to the Gentiles, Paul submitted to the instructions and drills of God amid great hardship and suffering. Paul was no stranger to suffering. He endured beatings with whips and rocks; he was lost at sea; he was shipwrecked three times and had to learn to survive; he labored and toiled for a days food; he was transient – never putting down roots; he spent time cold, naked and hungry and was falsely imprisoned.

But Paul set the bar for us. Though he endured these unfair, unjust hardships he never allowed any of them to embitter him. Paul endured and thrived. Is it even possible? Yes! And he showed us how....by keeping our eyes fastened upon the person of Jesus Christ!

You may say “Easy for you to say Dori. You dont know my life. You dont know what I've been through and suffered.” You are right. I do not. But I have experienced a training ground of my own.

While I am no Paul I have a resume of my own – suffering the years' long consequences of someone else's choices (talk about unfair!), losing your home, financial devastation, a marriage re-written by my husband's injuries due to a disabling accident 8 years ago; being homeless, selling your belongings to survive, moving 3 states away from your family because that is where God led you to go; finding my mother dead and enduring a loved one's battle with addiction – all these are but a few of the things I've encountered in the last 8 years including the death of my father.

During this last decade my life was so disassembled. Whether I knew it or not at the time - every thing, person, value and belief was tested and or removed in this refiners fire - especially my faith in and knowledge of Christ. The one thought that ocurred over and over was “how do people survive these tragedies, these storms – without God?”

You see Christ was my anchor in these times. I clung to him. With each new storm my voice grew louder and those storms became HIS proving grounds. I witnessed firsthand the power of his ability and miracles. I chose Christ – to cling to Him and to believe in Him, come what may.

Looking back I know that I had every reason and every right to choose differently. For all I witnessed and for all the details I alone know I could have chosen to hate various individuals especially the man who attacked my husband and to be bitter at the disability system for how it ravaged our lives and my husbands body. I could have allowed my heart to be overwhelmed with the desire to get even. I could have easily worn the clothes of a victim of someone else's bad judgement – the victim of “the powers that be”. Churches, pastors, believers in Christ, have let me down sorely. I could be angry at the mortgage companies that would not help us, heartbroken over the one who broke promises, the list goes on.

What would I have gained if I had blindly taken the well earned “right” to be this way? What would it have profited me in life had I chosen to allow the troubles to win? Yet so many do succumb as they blindly demand their rights to suffer on, which only leaves a swath of debris in lives and hearts that are reminscent of paths of destruction left by tornado's and hurricanes. May I say the choice is ours? We can either allow life's troubles to destroy us, or we can turn our tough seasons into training camps.

The apostle Paul often used metaphors of training and competition in his letters to the church. Using his words we can find important training principles:

Galatians 5:7 says “You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?”

Life was good. You were running (living) well. Then trouble happened. Who or what interrupted your life, your stride – to trip you up? No. Go back to what your training (what the word of God tells you to do and apply it.). Guard your heart and your mind against unholy thinking and reaction. Find your stride again.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “let us throw off everything that hinders and every sin that entangles us. And let us run - with perseverance - the race marked out for us.”

In guarding your heart and mind be aware of putting on the coat of “right” --- for it will bleed through your chest to your very heart. Throw off that coat – that “I have a right to feel this way” feeling, for it will only grow in length and weight and hinder your stride, tripping you as you run. Do not agree to become weighed down by things that will hinder your race.

“Do you not know that in a race, all the runners run but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last – but WE do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly. I do not fight like a boxer beating the air; No. I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I will not be disqualified for the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Recognize that life is a training ground. There is a war being waged for your soul. Our enemy, satan, intends to rob you of your faith in Jesus Christ in an attempt to de-robe Christ and de-stroy the truth of God's power and ability. Satan desires to leave you de-feated and hopeless. Decide and determine to deactivate that power. Land the deathblow.

Here are your training instructions as set forth by Paul –

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up your shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all of the Lord's people.” Ephesians 6:10-15

I challenge you to lace up your running shoes. Let's run.

Embrace the Silence

Lately God has been impressing upon me the importance of silence. 

With the advancement of technology, "noise" fills up our lives -- yet Jesus set the example for us to disconnect daily to seek the voice of the father. In Jesus' time "noise" came in the throngs of people pressing upon him, clamoring to get near him. He was always busy speaking, teaching, working. But he set time aside at least ...once daily to seek out solitude and silence. 

We need that time to refocus. We need that solitude to listen to the rumblings of our own hearts and to hear what the voice of God would say in response. 

Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God, exalted above the nations". 

Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be silent." 

Matthew 14:23 says, "After he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came he was still there." 

And yet so many of us run from the silence and fill our lives with more noise. 

Stop. Turn it all off. Go find a mountain and pray. God is faithful to answer. You might be surprised at what he might say.

Precious Father.  Give me the ability to draw myself to a quiet moment and shut out the world.  Help me Lord to sit before you and to listen to my body breathe in and breathe out.  Let all my troubles fall away.  I pray Lord you would be faithful here in the quiet place where just you and I meet together.  Faithfully speak to me O Lord and minister truth and healing to all that is within me.  Lead me.  Guide me.  Love me I pray.... In Jesus name, amen.